Day in the Life of a Dorm Crew Worker

In the quest employment here at Harvard, Dorm Crew probably rests at the bottom of any job-hunter’s list. Dorm Crew workers are either elusive like ghosts, the only record of their presence a yellow slip of paper on a mirror, or they arrive during uncomfortably… personal times. Let’s be serious though, how many of us would clean our in-suite bathrooms on our own? Exactly. Let’s take a second to appreciate those of us who show no fear towards toilets and shower drains.

12:00pm – Anotha’ day anotha’ dolla’. Dorm Crew pride. This is the most intense of all jobs on campus; Crimson Callers are pansies. Room one for the day… and it belongs to a pack of females. Perfect.

12:05pm. Is this a dorm room or the dwelling of a hoarder? Seriously it looks like the backstage area of a Broadway show in here. Dear residents, based on my observations of your primping materials, I’ll bet you’re all single. The mermaid-teal eye shadow pallet appears to be a favorite. But I’m not here to judge. Girls keep it (fairly) classy, and I appreciate not having to deal with a post-rager disaster zone, so thanks for that. One suggestion though… bi-weekly removal of hair from the shower drain is not okay. Gross.

12:55pm – Time to bounce. With a friendly notice on the now impeccably streak-free mirror, my work here is done. I am the phantom of cleanliness. CUSTODIAL PRIDE.

1:05pm – Room two. Male. I definitely just interrupted some… “self-bonding” time. Well, this is sufficiently awkward.

1:10pm – What in creation am I mopping right now? This bathroom is a petri dish of weekend excitement. Why is the bathroom serving as the storehouse for a beer funnel?! Sanitation fail and definite party attendance deterrent.

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