We’ve all seen them. They come in droves from all ends of the globe speaking everything from English to French to Italian to Chinese. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow can stop them; weekdays and weekends, they carry on. With the amount of tourists that visit campus every day, Harvard can feel like more of a roadside attraction or tourist hotspot than a center of learning. There’s no denying that Harvard is an elite institution with a beautifully antique campus, but seriously, this is a school. Not Disney World. However, many people think that these tourists are on vacation. Not so. Exploring Harvard’s campus is serious business that must be planned and regimented. A possible itinerary would read as follows.
5:00am – Wake up. It’s Harvard day. My twelve year old will be here soon enough. Eyes on the prize.
8:30am – Arrival at campus after a long, long car ride. If little Suzie doesn’t stop tainting her brain with the frivolous pop music on her iPod, she’ll never get in. Unacceptable. Now, to find a parking space.
9:00am – This parking garage is going to cost a fortune by the end of the day, but no expense is too great in the face of Harvard. Speaking of which… it would be blasphemous to walk onto Harvard’s campus without being donned in crimson; plainclothes are so touristy. Must buy paraphernalia!
9:30am – Honestly, is there anything classier than sporting a Harvard sweatshirt to keep out the chill coupled with a Harvard baseball cap to keep the UV rays at bay? Didn’t think so. This is the look of success. It’s tour-time; Harvard Unofficial Tours… well, their shirts say Harvard on them. They must be legit.
9:50am – So.Much.History. This is nice, but how does my child get in? Can’t we take a peek in the admissions office? And why aren’t we visiting any dorm rooms? Or classrooms? Or libraries? Harvard is so secretive!
10:30am – Tour completed. We must return to the statue and the lucky foot of John Harvard. Touch touch touch. *Picture* Old building! *Picture*People studying on the lawn! *Picture*Massive library! *Picture* Student with a hamper… Harvard laundry! *Picture*
11:00am-5:00pm – This is it; the mothership. Annenberg Hall. Must enter. The door says no trespassing, but I’m sure it’s fine to go in just for one little peek. Woah. *Picture* This place is straight out of Harry Potter. *Picture* Why is that man pointing at us and yelling? *Picture* SCRAMBLE!
5:01pm – Exhaustion. But dammit, in six years, I will return as the parent of a 2016.